high people should be assigned attendants
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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