Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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