Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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