I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
