So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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