one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
