Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry JonesyMac hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(352): View more from Florida

So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field

Fav 16 2905 912
share tweet
(937): View more from Ohio

We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.

Fav 32 3300 976
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(214): View more from Texas

I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

Fav 56 3967 2045
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?

Fav 37 1217 4614
share tweet
(417): View more from Missouri

My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

Fav 12 4753 1670
share tweet
(239): View more from Florida

Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?

Fav 11 4510 1132
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(716): View more from New York

It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

Fav 13 5653 1689
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(251): View more from Alabama

I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.

Fav 1 586 339
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(530): View more from California

So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment

Fav 0 9 20
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT