I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
