So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have tasted many bathrooms
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
