somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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