I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
