You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
