I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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