whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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