You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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