Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
