a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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