also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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