1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
