I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
