my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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