i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are