Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
