spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
