I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
