so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
