you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
