The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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