Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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