How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
