Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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