Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
