Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
