He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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