week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
