I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
