You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
