That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
