FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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