who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize