this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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