She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
