with your own penis?
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
