During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
