My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
