He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
