shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
