Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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