Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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