Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
