on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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