Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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