I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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