You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
