I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will be naked everywhere
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
