I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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