break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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