We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
