it wasn't lemon gatorade
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
