if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
