Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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