Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
