Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
