so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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