Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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