I wish i was in the wii world.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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