I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
